Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
