i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
