I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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