While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
