No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
