How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
