Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
