I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
