I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
