Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
