His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
