my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
