No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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