Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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