you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize