When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
