I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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