i already hear my dad disowning me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
