The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
