so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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