she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
whose parrot is this?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
