me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
