I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
