maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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