i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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