Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
