i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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