Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
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