remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
