period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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