i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
