I feel great
I just peed on a car
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
