Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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