I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
