You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
