mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
