thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
