Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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