So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
