it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
