So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
