Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
