I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
