Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
