Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Randomize