so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I smell like Dick and happiness
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
