Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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