just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
