whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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