DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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