he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
