O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
No...this little piggys going to the bar
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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