i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
