I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
