So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
