Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
