I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
