I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
