Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
