I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
