that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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