im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
