Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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