Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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