I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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