If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i love accidental penises.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
