erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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