It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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