I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
