I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
