Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
