if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
