ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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