i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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