yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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