i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
