I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
