so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
