this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
