Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
